i think i accidenally hit you in a place i can't say

Current mood: indescribable
Category: Blogging i got third place in the spelling bee...hurrah for that!

okay, moving on...

it's gets personal from here.

i'm not so sure this is true but my friends say that you stare at me at times. maybe they're only saying that because they're inspecting everything you do. i mean, i bet if they were to observe someone else, they'd catch them staring at me for a couple of seconds. i don't know, maybe i'm just not trying to get my hopes up, like last time. boy, that turned out well. yikes.

one of my friends say that you're not really talking to me that much because you're starting to feel shy around me. she also says that it's a good sign because it means that you're starting to feel something between us. but it doesn't matter. i want you to talk to me, notice me, learn more about me, as i do about you each day. i'm not sure that what she said is true but i'd much rather be your friend first.

i put in my calendar and my to-do list that i would tell you how i feel, but i'm having second thoughts about it. i mean, i really like you and i want you to know how i feel but i didn't want to have to resort to that just so you'd notice me or talk to me. what i really wanted to do was get to know you but that seems so far-off and impossible. you're such great friends with everyone it's hard to keep track of you. sometimes i wish you weren't so friendly with everyone, but then that would take away one of the things i love most about you.

it's cool how you get along with everyone, something i probably could never achieve or accomplish ever. it's not that i'm not nice, it's just that i'm way to shy to befriend everyone. but i really want to be your friend, your greatest friend. one you can go to and say your deepest thoughts to, say what you really feel. not one that you walk past without a glance.

i want so many things to happen between us. i pray for them, although i think i'm asking too much of God. i hope for these things. i watch for signs. i wonder what you think of me each day. i dream of you. i think about you and the possibility of you and i. when will the right moment come? the right place, the right feeling? when will that be? when will i be able to be called your friend, your true friend? when will these things happen? i guess i'll just wait and see. maybe then i'll be able to utter those words. and maybe then i'll be able to say that...i love you.