sometimes i think that i think too much.

change has so many meanings and so many ways of happening. whether a big change, like the inauguration of a new president, or little change, such as a decision between three types of pizzas, change will always be lurking around every corner. change can be good...but it could be equally bad as well. i, for one, used to dislike-- hate, change. it had me lose family members, lose family connections, friendships i thought would last a lifetime; it just...broke me up inside. i tried fighting it, but it only made things worse. of course it did: because change is inevitable. and i seem to have just grasped that concept none too long ago. it'll never stop.

we all take change in some way. some embrace it. others fight it. some just try to ignore it. but no matter how much they try to fight, no matter how ignorant they can be, they'll never, ever stop it from happening. for change is one of the basics of life, one of life's lessons. as for those who embrace it, good job. because that's exactly what we all should do...instead of keeping everything just as it was. sure, things may seem great now, but changing it may be for the better. it may be for the greater of others expense or just greater to ourselves.

i see people i once knew years ago walk past me like they never met me...and it hurts. people that used to look so shy...so innocent have now become talkative, popular, as if they were all that. doing drugs and underage drinking all because of the friends they made. that's not me. that's never been me. and it never will. i'm not social. i admit, i may be lame too (you suck if you think so), but that's just who i've always been. i know i chose the right friends. i know that i'm heading towards the right direction. and i'll never change that. who cares what people think of me? because i know what i think of myself. and who's going to know me better than me?

i looked at a tree, and saw scratches etched into it, covering up what used to be there. i remember when i did that, and why i no longer feel that way. then i look up and see another carving i did, the letters still visible. but, there's a huge scratch across it. probably of some idiot who dare disrupt my feelings. but whoever did that, made me realize something: i might cross that carving out in the future as well, because of changed feelings. then it made me realize something else. i shouldn't be so preoccupied with the future, or lingering around the past. i should live my life, live it now with no regrets and just go with the flow.

have i changed? probably, but it's for the better. i know me...or at least i think i do >.> somehow, i feel more confident, but at the same time more timid, but hey, i've always been that way, speaking is a drastic step for me. *ehehe

all in all, i've realized that change is good. great even. it's necessary. it's helped me so many times, like my attitude. i might've committed suicide but my attitude was what kept me going, my motivation, what i believe in, and all the people i care about. change can make someone forget about another, but can also make someone new come into ones life, as you did into mine. i used to find myself crying over nothing. but now i can't stop smiling. i used to look down and frown. now i look up the clear, blue skies, with wide eyes and a smile, and for the first time, i took it all in and realized how amazing it feels just to live again.